I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize