So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
