I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
