do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
