I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
