Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
