i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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