six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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