I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
pray to the hookup gods
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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