Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
