i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
