I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
