dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
