I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
