3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
