I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
