I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
