you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
