Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
