Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
