it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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