Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.