oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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