i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.