I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!