He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
even my farts smell like vagina
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?