as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dicks are not precious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.