I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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