Acid is not a monday night drug
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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