I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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