How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
