Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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