I'm going to rape someone's good day.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
