you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
