note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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