turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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