WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
