it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize