My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
