I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
