May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
