i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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