the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
