I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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