Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
