I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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