I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
