If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
