i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
