oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
