If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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