I am puke
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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