Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.