dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.