i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
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Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...