Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.