I want to have your abortion
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me