I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
