I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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