Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize