Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
