White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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