i think i have two assholes
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
