But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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