You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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