Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm at about main and main street
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
